Which one you are..?

As per pocket request..

Kenkyusha's New College Japanese-English Dictionary 4th Edition
ほんね 本音(Honne)
one's real intention; one's real [((fml))underlying] motive
たてまえ 建前(Tatemae)
a principle; a rule; one's words; one's public [((fml))professed] position

Wikipedia (Japan)
ほんね 本音(Honne)
真実の感情・欲求を指す (indicate the true feeling/desire)
たてまえ 建前(Tatemae)
公に表す行動・意見を指す (indicate action/opinion shown to public)

"Honne and Tatemae" is a Japanese word to express our society phenomenon.

Explanation
Case 1:
My company supply parts to customer. We receive order from customer with enough lead time for us to buy raw material, to process and to deliver.
But one day, short lead time order came, usually 1 month lead time became one week lead time. It was nearly impossible to support the customer order. We did our best, with some trouble occured in-house, just to satisfy customer request.
Customer called, asking is there any problem to meet their short lead time request. Our manager said, no problem at all, and we delivered part in time, and at the same time all members were in trouble.
That was "Tatemae". The "Honne" should be some sort of,
"Hey..! We faced lot of trouble you know..!! We know customer is always right, but 1 week is nearly impossible for us..!! Luckily we can met your request..!!"
Isn't it..?

Case 2:
My boss asked me to join him for a dinner at his home. Although I already make an appointment with my wife to watch movie together that night, I have to cancel it.
So, I went to my boss house, have dinner with his wife home-made recipe. One of the curry you ate, taste like hell.
You boss asked you how was the curry. You said the curry was as delicious as the curry you always eat at your favourite restaurant.
That was "Tatemae". The "Honne" should be some sort of,
"Oh my god..! Did you want to kill me with the curry..? Even mash potato without gravy taste better..!"
Isn't it..?

Case 3 (the most famous case) :
You were on your first date with a girl you admire a long long time. You went for a lunch together, watch her favourite movie together, shopping together. Slowly you got the feeling to like that girl more and more.
You send her back home, and ask how was the date. She said she had such a wonderful time and really hope you can ask her out again.
The other week, you called her to ask for another date, but she said she got another appointment that day. You asked her when she would be free and she said she doesn't know since she got lot of work to do and very busy. She said she will call you later.
You wait for the call which never come.
The other day, you found your girl dating another man.
What was that "she had a wonderful time and really hope you can ask her out again" supposed to mean..? That was "Tatemae". The "Honne"..? You know it..

Why..? Why "Tatemae"..? My thinking, is because you're not having enough good relationship with your opponent.. You're scare to them.. You scare that you will hurt them with your words..
What happen if your little brother accidently jump on your feet..?
"cilaker ko, setan, $^@&&*%&$..!! ko pijak kaki aku..?" will be it, maybe..
But what if your first date accidently step on your feet by her high heel..?
"alaa.. saya tak kisah.. pijak ler cemaner pun., kaki saya nih buat dari besi.."
Familiar with the script..?

Compare men to women, men are kindly to be more honest, always expressing anything in their heart to women, don't care how close they are to the women.. mother, sister, relatives, wife(s), girlfriend(s), etc..
men do lie, but to escape.. and that's is true LIE.. women lie cause they afraid they hurt men's feeling.. even with their husband.. that's is "Tatemae"..

(I want to elaborate more, but i have such a limited time for this.. I hope bloggers can understand yourself, alright..?)

Sapa tak stuju leh komen or jerit jer kat shoutbox tu.. hahahahaha...

Thursday, July 03, 2008

7 Comments:

Ayaq masak said...

First.

Ayaq masak said...

Wahhaha.

Dakara. You think we should benarkan tatemae berkuasa? What the hell is true lies anyway? Cite anorld susahneger tu aku tau la. Haha.

For me, aku lebih rela ko bagitau aku perkara yang sebenar2nya. Daripada ko dok mengtatemaekan aku, kononnya tanak buat aku terluka, tp bila dah dpt tahu yang honnenye tak ke lagi saket ati?

Ya saya emo.

Sekian saje.

Pocket said...

tp dik,
kalau duk honne jer selalu,
langsung tak jaga sikit ayat tu,
mungkin menyakitkan ati orang yg dgr.
kebenaran memang perlu.
tp berlapik la...
(Tatemae)
'ayaq, hang ni memang comel,
makan eskrim tu sampai ke idung
melekatnyer..ahaaiii'

ka?
(Honne)
'ayaq, hang ni loqlaq la,
malu aih aku nak duk ngan hang,
makan eskrim sampai belemoih
ke dayi!'

ka?

heheheh... :D

Ayaq masak said...

Honne itu perlu tapi biar jaga ayat. Tatemae tu jugak perlu macam dalam kes makan kari bini bos masak tu..dan jugak production tu...itu memang perlu la kan utk jaga customer... tapi kalau dalam relationship?

Bila yang perlu tatemae?
Bila yang perlu honne?
Sampai bila nak tatemae?
Sampai dah nak waktu genting baru nak honne? HRM? HRMMMM????

Asal aku emo ni. T_T

bendul said...

Honne, the risk is soon right after you said it..
Tatemae, the risk is when your opponent find out the truth..
Both got risk, but tatemae's risk will be deadlier, i think..

Ayaq : True lies tu maknanya mmg dia bermaksud nak tipu.. bukan nyer terpaksa.. mmg org laki2 suka tipu mcm tu..
both honne and tatemae are needed, but still depend on your personality, n your relationship with other..
(tapi kalo mmg dah lahir2 tu muka penipu, penipu jugak kan..)
Aper2 hal, jgn emo lebih2.. kumbang bukan seekor.. muahahahah..

Pocket : what if betul2 nanti jadi kat ayaq macam tu, then ko dok dpn dia.. ko nak honne ker, ko nak tatemae..? walaupun kenal kat blog jer, tapi rasanya macam dah close enough kan..

(ramai org nak dengar honne, tapi tak bersedia nak mendengarnya..)

Pocket said...

well,
kalau bebetul aku duk dpan hang bendul dan hang memang makan eskrim belemoih sampai ke siku dan juga ke dahi, siap main baling cherry ke langit dan menyambut nya ala ala buaya (Which u are)
aku takkan tengking hang mengatakan
'oih!! malu la duk ngan hang nih!! hang tak buleh makan elok elok sikit ka, belemoih!! loqlaq!!'
(Honne)
tapi instead...
'peh beb, aku nak teringin nak makan nando's la, jom kita bayaq n lets do nandos plak nak'
(tatemae)
in another time,
in another place,
'hang kena tgk skit wei, tak macho la makan eskrim sampai belemoih gitu, yup aku tau la eskrim tu sdap, tp .. sampai yg jatuh ke meja pun nak di slurrp jugak tu bagi aku kureng la sket. hang bukan manager ka.. nampak dek mat ijan kang mesti dia sedih..'
(tatemae)
gitu gitu gitu...





tingat plak makan eskrim kat fifth:)

bendul said...

ala pocket..
maybe this was your (honne) meaning..?
"ko nih terencat ker haper ha..!?"
dak gitu..?

once the tatemae already kantoi, people will think more further, more and more even the speech never take place at all at the first..

aku lak akan cakap,
"apsal ko tak kasik tau jer awal2 ko tak suka aku wat camtu..?" kalo aku ulang 3-4 kali, ko pun biar jer la.. suda la ko.."
(real honne one)


tte, ada aikrim ker kat fifth dulu..?

 
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